GUYS I'M IN ENGLAND.
I SURVIVED THE 11+ HOUR FLIGHT.
I ENDURED TURBULENCE AND ANXIETY ATTACKS.
HERE I AM!
It feels totally surreal to be back and I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it! I was extremely excited but I'm so ferociously homesick right now that I don't think I can muster much enthusiasm present as I'm missing my house, dogs and friends so much!
My anxiety has also been awful due to all the changes and I felt so ill with it on the plane that I sincerely had no idea how I was going to stay calm on the flight and make a new life here in England and leaving all my "security blankets" behind. I had this overwhelming desire to just go back to my former life where I felt safe with what I knew and didn't have to move outside of my comfort bubble but I realise that if I want to get anywhere in life I'll have to push myself to do things that make me uncomfortable, things that terrify me to the point that I'm frozen in fear, knowing that I'll come out of it as a stronger person.
I really didn't enjoy the aeroplane ride at all. I generally enjoy flying once my anxiety has settled down (generally 30 minutes or so after take off) but the flight was horrible. It was extremely hot, it was incredibly noisy, I couldn't sleep comfortably (I probably only slept 30 minutes the whole flight) and the turbulence was so bad that the plane dipped at one point and everyone's food trays went flying which was utterly terrifying. When we were about to land the pressure was also very bad and it was just a horrible flight, unfortunately! I'm so glad it's over!
However, I'm trying to have a positive outlook and have faith in God but it is difficult, especially with my bad panic attacks and my mom's poor health and the fact that I really didn't enjoy England the first time I lived here. However, like I said, I'm trying to focus on the positives. We're living in an absolutely gorgeous guest house on a farm and it's so wonderful and peaceful. I'm also hoping to go to several charity stores (CHEAP BOOKS!!!), libraries and the village where the farm resides!
I'll keep you all updated on how I find England! <3